Worth Reading

Think Again - Adam Grant

Seldom are issues, especially those that give rise to conflict, simply black or white, right or wrong. As humans, we tend to have "binary bias" which helps us to simplify a complex matter into two categories. However, the problem with this is it causes us to "take sides" vs engaging in what Adam Grant calls "complexifying". Complexifying allows us to explore a range of perspectives on a topic which helps us to "think again" and appreciate the varying shades of grey in perspectives. Doing so, can reduce polarisation and increase respect for inclusion. Adam Grant suggests asking questions when faced with potential binary conversations by saying "Can we debate this", which sends a message that you wish to be curious versus being a preacher or a prosecutor. This may encourage the other person to do the same - and in my experience, this approach works. This helps us to stay curious. Try it, it works!

The Inner Game of Tennis - Timothy Gallwey

As an amateur tennis player, this book is exceptionally relatable and useful - both on and off the court.

Over the years, I've consciously learned to silence my inner critic and to play with a mindset of gratitude. Softening my harsh inner critic to calm my nerves under pressure in a league match, my "self-talk" now focuses on how fortunate I am to be able to play - and how enjoyable it is to be stretched to my limit. The opponent is simply providing the "stretch". In fact, my league partner and I have this new habit of noticing when we are stressed or hit a bad shot and use the mantra "I'm loving it" (thank you, MacDonalds!), after which we laugh - and we know how laughter relaxes us.

A central theme of the book is learning to quiet the mind through focus. It's no co-incidence that we often hit our best shots when we aren't trying to...our body and mind (the one that is silent and knows), does so automatically without any help from the critical voice. The same happens if we have a presentation to do - when we've prepared, we can soften our inner critic and use our self-talk to say "what a priviledge this is".

Gallwey highlights that "the usual way of learning is to criticise or judge past behavior in a belittling tone - leading to a vicious cycle." Watching players like Alcaraz and Sinner, it's striking how their focus is on enjoying the challenge of doing their best in the moment - never diminishing themselves or the other person. We can learn so much from that mindset.

Need some help softening that inner critic?

Get in touch

connect@celinebentley.com

Online & In Person Consultations Available

Based in Durban, South Africa