Moving on from a Grudge

Grudges—those persistent feelings of ill will or resentment - can weigh heavily on us. Whether caused by misunderstandings or deep, intentional hurt, grudges can leave us stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts and actions. Neuroscience shows that the more we replay a grudge in our minds, the stronger the neural pathways reinforcing it become, making it harder to let go.

But holding onto a grudge rarely serves us. It can harm our relationships, our mental health, and even our professional progress.

So how can we begin to release its grip?

Steps to Let Go of a Grudge:

1. Observe Yourself Gently
Notice when the grudge shows up in your thoughts, emotions, or actions. Awareness is the first step to breaking the cycle.

2. Align with Your Values
Ask yourself: How would my values guide me if I weren’t feeling so hurt?

3. Reflect on What You Want
Consider: Will holding onto this grudge help me get what I want from the situation?

4. Own Your Role
Are there things you could have done differently? Taking accountability can reduce feelings of helplessness and empower you to move forward.

5. Be Patient with the Process
Healing takes time. It’s okay to take small, deliberate steps toward letting go.

6. Try Constructive Actions

* Have an open respectful conversation,(if appropriate).

* Focus forward by keeping busy with goals or hobbies that shift your thoughts.

* Journal, talk to a trusted friend or seek counselling or coaching to process unresolved emotions.

Letting go of a grudge is a journey, but the peace and freedom that follow are worth the effort.

Final Thought:

Ask yourself: What will enable me to let go of emotions and behaviours that no longer serve me?

What strategies have helped you let go of grudges and move forward?

Credit to Pejman Milani @milanicreative for such an apt illustration on the subject.